A few weeks ago, I was at the grocery store picking up a couple items. I turned at the end of the long isle of canned goods while swinging my mini grocery cart into the next isle. Right in front of me, bringing me to an abrupt halt, was an elderly lady sitting stationary in an electric shopping cart. Behind her was a younger lady on her tip toes stretching her arms up high reaching a top shelf pulling down a box of cereal. Below her was a little girl, about four years old with pig tails who I assumed was her daughter.
The younger lady then handed the elderly lady the cereal. The little girl was pulling boxes of cereal off the shelf at her level, the sugar coated, colorful morsels, with cartoon like characters on the box and offering them to the elderly lady, too. The elderly lady kindly took them all and thanked them both and scooted off.
This is an example of planting a seed of compassion. Seeds of compassion are like a perennial seed. They develop deep roots and tend to take longer to establish and fully grow. But once grounded, they grow into plants that bloom and thrive for years, unlike the one-time annual seed.
The impact on a child can be immediate, like on this little girl, but then have long term affects. The roots are grounded deep. Do you remember childhood incidences that stick with you forever? I can remember several, not all positive. These events and reactions by adults whether a teacher, a parent, or a grandparent, are not forgotten and for me, had significant impacts.
One incident I clearly remember was while I was in kindergarten at a Lutheran parochial school. It was not an incident of planting a seed of compassion but had quite the opposite effect. This was more like hail falling from the sky destroying a little plant that had just spouted. I heard when I was much older, that this kindergarten teacher I had was considered excellent, experienced, and happened to be the principle’s wife. I was a teacher pleaser, loved this teacher, and loved being in school.
In the back of this kindergarten room was a grocery store set up that we could play in. It had grocery shelves with many different food items, grocery carts, a cash register, and play money. No, it did not have an electric cart to scoot around in.
I was so excited. My teacher finally gave me permission to play in the grocery store with a few other kids. We had to take turns for this opportunity since space was limited. This was my first time playing in the coveted grocery store.
Well, this opportunity ended up with me taking home a note to my parents. I walked home from school with several older kids that day. One kid grabbed the note and read it. Her eyes got big and another kid grabbed the note from her. I had no idea what it said, since the note was in cursive, I barely knew a few words in printed form, and no one had the courage to tell me. But I knew it must not be good.
I got home and gave the note to my mom. She said that my teacher said in the note that I was “bossy” while playing in the grocery store station. My mom shared that with me but didn’t say much more.
As I reflect on this as an adult, I think my mother was a bit perplexed by the note. Couldn’t this highly respected teacher handle this herself? Why was the word “bossy” used? Couldn’t there be discussion with me on being assertive verses taking too much control or being too loud. The thought ran through my mind whether she would use the same terminology if I was little boy. Would she have even sent home a note?
I do remember, from that time on, I did back off and pulled into my shell. I was hesitant in leading games and lost some of my self-confidence for a long time after that happened. The thought that my teacher considered me bossy and that she felt it necessary to write a note that I had to bring home to my mother was a lot to take in and humiliating. This had been my first time playing in the grocery store and it was for such a short duration. In addition, my walking home friends knew what the note had said. I felt embarrassed and ashamed.
I did eventually recover and wouldn’t you know, one of my first college jobs was as a check out clerk at a local grocery store, Randall’s Grocery in Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
I must admit, it might not always be easy being that good example, or doing the right thing, especially when things are stressful, or we are hurried, or we are ourselves, struggling. We know life is messy and dirty like the soil where seeds are planted. But it’s important to plant those perennial, long lasting seeds of compassion, in our children. Through the dirt we know the seeds that are grounded deep, will sprout, grow, and eventually bloom. So will our children.
Back to my original grocery store story, when I got to the checkout, I noticed that in the line beside me was the little girl with her mother who helped the elderly lady in the electric grocery cart. The little girl was bouncing with excitement. I heard her ask her mom if they could shop this time tomorrow because maybe the lady in the “Go Cart” will be there and they can reach things for her another time. She was so happy, so proud!
The seed was planted and starting to grow. This child performed and act of kindness, mimicking her mom, the positive example and thinking beyond that act. Her seed had sprouted and was ready to take off and grow into more acts of kindness. I am always amazed with how quickly a little seed can sprout, grow, and branch off into so many directions producing flowers and fruit for us to enjoy, not to mention, create other seeds that can multiply and continue to produce more exponentially.
I was bagging my groceries when following me in the same line came the elderly lady in her electric cart. I heard her say to the check out clerk that she decided not to purchase the “Fruity Pebbles” and “Chocolatey Bites.” I smiled to myself.
Children are always watching, observing, and taking in what we do as adults. Plant the perennial seeds of compassion that will last a lifetime, while simply performing compassionate acts. The fruit we receive will be enjoyed not only by ourselves but be multiplied and enjoyed by others and spread like seeds blowing crazily in the wind. Eventually they will land in the dirt and grow and spread again.
What perennial seeds of compassion do you know you have you planted in a child this past week?
This is the second step in the Steps to Cultivate Compassionate Children series. To get the checklist opt in at sonjawendt.com. The articles are available to the public at this site and posted on the Blog Tab, then on the right had side, select the Category, Cultivating Series.
Sonja Wendt
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